I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
