Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
