I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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