I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
