I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
