bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
