Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
