I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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