so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
