she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
