Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
