i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
