I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
