I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
