based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
