so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
