So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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