dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
