I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
