5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
