I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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