i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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