That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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