just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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