It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
