Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
