2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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