Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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