Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
