Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
