is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
