But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
