i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
