i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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