we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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