How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
