Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
