eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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