I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
