i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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