Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
