found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
