I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
