Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
