It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How naked do you want me to be?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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