My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
