i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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