Girls should come with a carfax report
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
