I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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