Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
